Challenge: Anticipated Relationship
Afraid. Unprepared. Frustrated. Ashamed.
Anticipated relationships can include potential courting, marriage, business, friendship, adoptive, or expecting-a-new-child-by-birth relationships. Although the scenario below focuses on an expectant mother who is afraid to being, not sure how to be a mother, the principles apply to any anticipated relationship.
There is hope for you.
Reaction: Fight
She’s angry that she was not taught and blames her mother and father, grandmothers and grandfathers, and great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers. Underneath the anger is anxiety that she will fail at this most important role of Mother. She does not want to be a failure.
What if we could point her to a sure way to win this fight?
What if there was someone she could turn to with her anger, who would not be taken aback, who would understand every nuance of what she is feeling and thinking (even more than she does), who would not get defensive, and who would ultimately train her to be a fine person and mother if that is his plan for her? Would she ask that someone for help? Would she praise that someone for the help given? The only sure way for her to win in this fight is to seek and find that someone. She must also stop looking for help from those who don’t know how to help, which only leaves her disappointed, frustrated and angry, and to learn to love them instead. By the way, that someone is perfect at helping her learn to love since that someone is love.
Reaction: Flight
She’s afraid and ashamed to tell anyone about her anger and anxiety, so she stays to herself. She does what she can to distract herself so that she doesn’t have to think about it. Deep down, she wonders about life. Why are we here? But then she brushes that thought aside. It’s easier to forget it.
Where can she catch a winning flight, one that doesn’t leave her feeling guilty?
What would she give to find the perfect hiding place where she could retreat and know that all her needs would be met, she would be fully sustained, and that no harm would ultimately come to her? The only way for her to catch a winning flight is to seek and find that perfect hiding place, and to stop hiding in places that leave her wanting and unfulfilled. And when she arrives there, she will find that someone who has the answers for life and even death since that someone is life.
ACTION PLAN:
Recommended Psalms to Sing:
Psalms taken from The Book of Psalms for Worship ©2009 Crown & Covenant Publications. Used by permission.
Recommended Relationship to Study:
Hannah and that someone in 1 Samuel 1:1—2:10
- You are not alone
- Your crying out is heard
- No matter who mocks or misunderstands you, the Lord’s purpose for your life will be accomplished, and so you worship Him.
The Scriptures were quoted from the ESV Study Bible.
General Recommendation:
Read through the whole Bible, some in the Old Testament and some in the New Testament, some in Psalms and some in Proverbs, each day so that you can learn, over time, the created order of things. Do this on a revolving basis to continually meditate on the full counsel of God, learning in layers of the Creation, the Fall of Man, and Man’s Redemption through the Cross of Jesus Christ. Sing whole Psalms at a time for the same reasons. The recommended Psalms to Sing in these six case studies are just a tiny sampling of the richness contained in the Psalms.
Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your progress; its flexible structure is designed for you to work through fight or flight reactions.
EXAMPLE from the ABCs Connection Journal:
In the pages shown below, an expectant mother uses the journal to explore and capture her feelings, thoughts, and prayers.
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Use the ABCs Connection Journal as a flexible structure as a flexible structure to help guide you in planning out your attitudes and activities. When you purchase a journal, you are also supporting