Challenge: Old Relationship
Dissatisfied. Isolated. Despairing. Lonely.
This can happen within an enduring and familiar parent-child, sibling, business, courting, or marriage relationship as well as within a friendship. The story below focuses on an elderly woman; however, the principles offer hope to any enduring, familiar relationship where thoughts can be reframed not to alienate but to welcome.
There is hope for you.
Reaction: Fight
Her thoughts turn bitter as she finds herself alone, not able to do many things that she used to do. During visits, if all the vibes in the air aren’t perfect, she promptly makes her displeasure known. After they’ve gone, she regrets driving her family away and wonders why she continues to alienate those she loves. She can’t seem to stop herself, and the frustration and anger are too much to bear. She looked forward to the golden years that seem to have turned to rust as her expectations are dashed with every visit.
She has received much in her life. She can use the time she has left to give in meaningful, compassionate ways to those around her.
She can turn the focus from herself to consider the real needs of her family, needs of body and of soul. She can use her energy to be a blessing and can find and maintain a new and more satisfying perspective on life.
Reaction: Flight
If she even answers the phone, her voice is barely audible. She sounds far away. She used to sound this way in hopes of getting a visit, but now, having retreated into herself, she doesn’t even care if her family comes. She catches herself wanting them to feel guilty either for not visiting or for not visiting long enough. This has become habit, a game neither she nor her family can win. There seems to be no way out of herself. Because she is so dissatisfied, she is closer than she knows to finding the way out.
She can move from the isolated doldrums to a life that eagerly includes others.
There is one who can help her live until she dies, and then live ever after. He can offer her a new perspective on life that will make her a joy to be around.
ACTION PLAN:
Recommended Psalms to Sing:
Psalms taken from The Book of Psalms for Worship ©2009 Crown & Covenant Publications. Used by permission.
Recommended Relationship to Study:
Naomi and Ruth
Ruth 1-4
- In despair, remember hope, and engage those you know and love.
- The gifts of friendship and children point to the even greater gift of enjoying your Maker.
- You look to the One you can trust, serving as you follow in His steps, and you adore Him.
The Scriptures were quoted from the ESV Study Bible.
General Recommendation:
Be hospitable, opening your home to family, friends, and neighbors in keeping with the greatest commandment: to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus, the good Shepherd, came that His people would have life, and have it to the full. Refuse to hold grudges when others don’t agree with you. Refuse to build walls but bridges. Include others in your life by sharing gifts you have been given. Be self-forgetful as you do this. Your motive can be simply to glorify God with what He has given you to do. [The same applies to family members of the elderly. You are called to persevere in caring and helping whether or not you see changes in your loved one.]
Read through the whole Bible, some in the Old Testament and some in the New Testament, some in Psalms and some in Proverbs, each day so that you can learn, over time, the created order of things. Do this on a revolving basis to continually meditate on the full counsel of God, learning how you were made, how you fell, and how you have been or can be redeemed. Sing Psalms as they can help you express your rich capacity for emotion.
Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your thoughts; its flexible structure is designed for you to learn to connect and be sensitive to the needs of those you know.
EXAMPLE from the ABCs Connection Journal:
In the pages shown below, an older mother uses the journal to explore and capture her feelings, thoughts, and prayers.
What happens after you buy a journal?
Use the ABCs Connection Journal as a flexible structure to help guide you in planning out your attitudes and activities and for improving how you communicate in your relationships.
When you buy a journal, you are also supporting the South Sudan Community Church ministry team, Cush4Christ.
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MORE RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGES
Anticipated | New | Broken | Bruised | Grateful