Transforming Relationships

Anticipated Relationship

Recommended Relationship to Study:
Hannah and that someone in 1 Samuel 1:1—2:10

You are not alone
Your crying out is heard
No matter who mocks or misunderstands you, the Lord’s purpose for your life will be accomplished, and so you worship Him.

Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your thoughts and progress; its flexible structure is designed for you to learn to connect and be sensitive to the needs of those you know and to work through fight or flight reactions.

Disillusioned. Disappointed. Distracted. Disengaged. New relationships include new courting, marriage, business, friendship, or new child by birth or adoption relationships. The scenario below is about a new mom who is troubled by her lack of connection to her child; however, the principles offer hope to any new relationship. There is hope for you. Reaction: Fight She found it difficult to steady her thoughts before the baby arrived, never having been much of a planner. With a multitude of other relationships and responsibilities, she senses bitterness and resentment building up within her. The anger in her voice only makes her angrier. She wants to be open and available to her child but is fighting a losing battle. Her biting words drive away those whom she presumes don’t understand. She admits to herself, though, that she hasn’t been willing to give them a chance to hurt her or to help her. She can find a way of thinking, planning, and relating to others that would not only bring her peace, but would be an example to her child on how to live. There are others with whom she can belong. Her joys and burdens can be shared. She can find others on this same journey for wisdom, joy, and hope. Reaction: Flight She looks at her child and then back at her laptop. She’s confident she knows what to do with the laptop and is comfortable with the world it represents. As for her child, she’s stumped. The TV will only do for so long. She wants to engage with this little ‘other’, but time is limited and the laptop’s lure has been stronger. She can order her thoughts off the flight of least resistance. She can needle the thread that connects her to God and her family. Her thoughts and the company she keeps can strengthen or fray the fiber of that thread. She can become a student of God and her family though this is unfamiliar territory. It will take the same level of interest that it took for her to learn technology. She can find the motivation. She can find forgiveness when she fails. She can change from the inside out. Recommended Psalms to Sing: 34A, 42B, 90B Recommended Relationship to Study: Mary and King Jesus Luke 1:36 – 2:52 When God calls you to do something that has impact beyond yourself, He will provide one or more persons to help you accomplish it, or He will help you ride out the feeling that you are all alone in it. He will motivate you to live based on hope and not fear. If you do succumb to fear, you can call on Him to forgive you and give you fresh reserves of hope. He will supply you with internal (and eternal) treasures that outweigh the inconvenience of detoured plans. General Recommendation: Worship God. Jesus perfectly kept the law of God for us when we could not. As we look to Him and learn of Him, we find the thread that strengthens our hearts toward family, friends, neighbors, and even enemies. The Westminster Confession of Faith and Catechisms and Heidelberg Catechism summarize the Bible’s chief themes. Read through the whole Bible, some in the Old Testament and some in the New Testament, some in Psalms and some in Proverbs each day so that you can learn, over time, the created order of things. Do this on a revolving basis to continually meditate on the full counsel of God, learning how you were made, how you fell, and how you have been or can be redeemed. Sing Psalms as they can help you express your rich capacity for emotion. Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your thoughts, a flexible structure for you to learn to connect and be sensitive to the needs of those you know.

New Relationship

Dissatisfied. Isolated. Despairing. Lonely. This can happen within an enduring and familiar parent-child, sibling, business, courting, or marriage relationship as well as within a friendship. The story below focuses on an elderly woman; however, the principles offer hope to any enduring, familiar relationship where thoughts can be reframed not to alienate but to welcome. There is hope for you. Reaction: Fight Her thoughts turn bitter as she finds herself alone, not able to do many things that she used to do. During visits, if all the vibes in the air aren’t perfect, she promptly makes her displeasure known. After they’ve gone, she regrets driving her family away and wonders why she continues to alienate those she loves. She can’t seem to stop herself, and the frustration and anger are too much to bear. She looked forward to the golden years that seem to have turned to rust as her expectations are dashed with every visit. She has received much in her life. She can use the time she has left to give in meaningful, compassionate ways to those around her. She can turn the focus from herself to consider the real needs of her family, needs of body and of soul. She can use her energy to be a blessing and can find and maintain a new and more satisfying perspective on life. Reaction: Flight If she even answers the phone, her voice is barely audible. She sounds far away. She used to sound this way in hopes of getting a visit, but now, having retreated into herself, she doesn’t even care if her family comes. She catches herself wanting them to feel guilty either for not visiting or for not visiting long enough. This has become habit, a game neither she nor her family can win. There seems to be no way out of herself. Because she is so dissatisfied, she is closer than she knows to finding the way out. She can move from the isolated doldrums to a life that eagerly includes others. There is one who can help her live until she dies, and then live ever after. He can offer her a new perspective on life that will make her a joy to be around. Recommended Psalms to Sing: 71C, 92, 148B Recommended Relationship to Study: Naomi and Ruth Ruth 1-4 In despair, remember hope, and engage those you know and love. The gifts of friendship and children point to the even greater gift of enjoying your Maker. You look to the One you can trust, serving as you follow in His steps, and you adore Him. General Recommendation: Be hospitable, opening your home to family, friends, and neighbors in keeping with the greatest commandment: to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus, the good Shepherd, came that His people would have life, and have it to the full. Refuse to hold grudges when others don’t agree with you. Refuse to build walls but bridges. Include others in your life by sharing gifts you have been given. Be self-forgetful as you do this. Your motive can be simply to glorify God with what He has given you to do. [The same applies to family members of the elderly. You are called to persevere in caring and helping whether or not you see changes in your loved one.] Read through the whole Bible, some in the Old Testament and some in the New Testament, some in Psalms and some in Proverbs, each day so that you can learn, over time, the created order of things. Do this on a revolving basis to continually meditate on the full counsel of God, learning how you were made, how you fell, and how you have been or can be redeemed. Sing Psalms as they can help you express your rich capacity for emotion. Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your thoughts; its flexible structure is designed for you to learn to connect and be sensitive to the needs of those you know.

Old Relationship

Broken. Severed. Estranged. Disconnected. This can happen within the parent-child, sibling, business, courting, or marriage relationship as well as within a friendship that has gone awry. The story below is about brothers; however, the principles for reconciliation offer hope to any broken relationship. There is hope for you. Reaction: Fight He broke trust by saying something inappropriate in anger and now there is a rift between him and his brother. This isn’t the first angry word he has said to his brother. Numerous times he has offended him with poking, prodding, prying put downs aimed at ridiculing his brother’s views and practices. When his brother pleaded with him and asked him to stop, he responded in a fit of rage. He has frightened his brother into emotional paralysis. He now sees his errors and seeks forgiveness, wanting to make amends and treat his brother with respect and dignity. He can approach his brother, not with a demanding spirit but with humility. If he is rejected, he can accept it, and though it would be a loss, he can keep the matter in prayer. He can learn from this loss to give to others who will receive him. He can live confidently, hoping in Jesus alone, whether or not he is received well by others. There is one who directs his steps in relationships and can use even his character flaws for good. The Lord, alone, in His wisdom, can replace selfish ambition with meekness. What does “inheriting the earth” mean for the meek if not involving loving relationships? Reaction: Flight He was more concerned with how he would be impacted than about his brother’s well-being. His brother, sensing his heartlessness, went out on his own as soon as he could. They haven’t spoken or seen one another in years. The impasse is broken when he initiates, asks forgiveness, and offers to help. His brother can respond to this complete turnaround and mutual trust can be established. Their past history can be put behind them so that fears of repeat offenses won’t become a barrier to their willingness to care for one another. The author of friendship and of life itself sets a precedent of love. You can confidently follow it. Recommended Psalms to Sing: 88B, 121A, 131A Recommended Relationship to Study: Judah and Joseph Genesis 37-50 Getting what you think you want without first considering the cost and consequences is not actually getting what you want. Although you would like to and work toward having your relationship restored, entrust the timing to the Lord. Your relationship with the Lord is all you need. General Recommendation: Come to Him and pray to Him for repentance and reconciliation. Without a supernatural intervention, the dark distance between you will remain. A restored relationship is a gift from God, who loves to give good gifts to His children. Sermon on the Mount is a teaching series by Sinclair Ferguson helping you with a radically different perspective on life and relationships. The first of twelve is offered free. As you connect the dots between your thoughts and your actions and their consequences, you might wonder how you landed on a path that promised bliss but delivered sorrow. In your weakness, you can pursue real help. Read through the whole Bible, some in the Old Testament and some in the New Testament, some in Psalms and some in Proverbs, each day so that you can learn, over time, the created order of things. Do this on a revolving basis to continually meditate on the full counsel of God, learning how you were made, how you fell, and how you have been or can be redeemed. Sing Psalms as they can help you express your rich capacity for emotion. Journal through your feelings, thoughts, and prayers. The ABCs Connection Journal (sample pages below) can be used as a helpful tool to record your thoughts; its flexible structure is designed for you to learn to connect and be sensitive to the needs of those you know.