top of page

The rare jewel of Christian friendship – part 3: Focus on being likable (lovable) or on liking

The rare jewel of Christian friendship Part 3: Focus on being likable (lovable) or on liking (loving)? July 20, 2015

If you want to be more likable, you can focus on how to become more emotionally intelligent as the article below by Dr. Travis Bradberry recommends. You look at yourself, see where you don’t measure up, and add these “habits” to your daily doings.

OK. Why not stop right there? As long as you have figured out how you can be likable or lovable, why move on to learning how to like or love a person when that someone is not particularly likable or lovable? How about taking a pause right here and think about this for a while before continuing with this article?

Continue reading the following after you have taken a pause, gone to a quiet place where you can think…

July 22, 2015 (I guess I forced the pause, taking a couple of days pause myself to complete the article!)

Just one problem. What about those people in your life who aren’t interested in being likable? What do you do with them? (Like them! You must find a way…)

But how, you ask? You’ve tried everything.

If we dare to look back at our own unlikable history, when, like a leper, we were not so comfortable in our own skin, what do we do with our feelings of shame? Who will meet our need for forgiveness? Who will love us in spite of ourselves? Isn’t that really what we want and need but can’t find? And so we stay on our performance treadmill hoping we can measure up enough to be accepted – to not mess up or at least present well enough so that no one will know. Except, how comfortable can you be in your own skin knowing you are living a lie?

Who will take us where we are and lead us to everlasting happiness, in a relationship that is always true, deep, meaningful, and loving? Who will give us permission to get off the performance treadmill? Can it be possible that someone could do all this for us? Don’t we have to do it all ourselves? Can any mere human do this? Isn’t this what we expect from our spouses? Isn’t this why we become disappointed, disillusioned, and divorced? If Jesus, the God-Man, is my perfect spouse, what do I do with the plain man I married? (Love him! Jesus helps you find a way…) What if I’m single? Jesus will help you build spiritual friendships*, one of which might grow to the point when you both will want to marry. Either way, Jesus is our fulfillment package. If we choose to love in a marriage relationship or in friendship, we still rely on Jesus to complete us. Anything else puts pressure that no mere human can handle, and the relationship crushes under it. Jesus, undaunted and never overwhelmed, can more than handle it, and in fact, He wants to help His people with every aspect of our lives, to boot.

What’s stopping you from asking for His help? Jesus will never turn away anyone who asks Him for help. Do it now. Have I been your friend today by sharing this? I hope to have been. If what I have shared about Jesus offends you, please consider what Richard Baxter once said: “The easiest way to please you and keep your friendship would be to say nothing and leave you alone; but love will not let me see you perish, and remain silent. I only seek your own happiness. You are the one who will gain if you come to Christ.” So be it. (Amen.)

* Listen to Dr. Joel Beeke (July 15, 2015) speak about developing biblical friendships by clicking the link below:


bottom of page